.jpg)
The belief that Grief diminishes over time is false, the truth is that grief does not get smaller, decrease or diminish with time; we just move forward through it.
“Grief doesn’t go away with time. Grief only goes away when we take action to move through it” (Rehman,2023). The distress felt by grieving individuals mostly comes from the pain of unfinished emotions. The Grief Recovery Method (GRM) assumes that when people take time to discover what their unfinished emotions are and take action to process them, they can experience relief. According to Rehman (2023), people exposed to GRM treatment programs also experience improved quality of life.
Everyone is unique with varying personalities, resilience and resources; therefore, grieving is an individualised experience; people grieve differently; the experience of grief varies, as such, trying to apply the same framework to every grieving individual wouldn’t be client-centred (Kessler,2023).
Unlike other methods and approaches or models, the Grief Recovery Method (GRM) is an action-focused approach towards healing the pain of loss (Rehman,2023).
Grief is a Normal and Natural Response to Emotional Loss
Grief is the emotional response to loss, but often cultural factors and perceptions on how to cope or grieve are mostly intellectual rather than experiential. The Parent ego state says; “I learnt it that way, therefore, you must also do it that way” and so do some cultures; thus, enforcing their perceptions of how others should grieve.
People are often uncomfortable with either allowing themselves to grieve or being around those who are grieving. Due to that, they often do not know how to respond or behave around grieving people. In efforts to make themselves feel better or come to terms with the situation, they find themselves saying inappropriate things with good intentions, with the hope of giving comfort or support.
Please don't cry
It will get better with time/time heals
Stop crying you’ll upset the kids
Be strong for your children/family
Men don't cry
Keeping busy helps
Put it behind you and move on
Crying will make you sick Unresolved Grief
This is also often referred to as incomplete recovery from grief (Rehman,2023). Such type of grief may harm one’s ability to become happy in life.
Various Losses May Result in Grief
Though people associate grief and loss with death, there are many losses experienced in life resulting in grief such as the loss of a relationship/ marriage through divorce, the loss of a job, grieving loss of property or the death of a pet and the loss of good health due to chronic illness. Other losses that may result in grief may include retirement, loss of goals, dreams, vision, position, social status or dashed expectations.
# It is fine to cry
# Tell your story
# Am here if you want to talk
# How can I help you
# It is fine to be vulnerable
# Talk about the loss
# It is okay to feel the way you do
# Allow yourself to grief
Image Source: Grief Recovery Center Blog (2023)
NB# The myth “time heals” creates the impression that a person just has to wait and they will eventually feel better. But the truth is that there are many people who will tell you that they waited years and still didn’t feel any better! Instead, they started getting better as they started taking certain actions and their waiting had compounded the pain. The other five myths carry equally unhelpful messages (Rehman,2023).
Complicated Grief
Grieving is complicated when there are a lot of other factors involved in the loss/death. Similarly, knowing how to help someone through their grief can be challenging.
People do not go out of their way to intentionally make a grieving person feel worse, but sometimes people do not realize the implications of their words and how what they say could be hurtful to those grieving. If one hasn’t experienced the loss of a loved one, they can never really understand what the other person must be going through, therefore, it can be hard to know the right thing to say. However, saying; “I know how you feel” wouldn’t be considered appropriate when one has never gone through a similar situation (Kessler,2023; Rehman,2023).
Things to Avoid Saying to a Grieving Person
He/she is no longer in pain
You’ll get to see them again someday
I know how you feel
You’ll grow from this
Everything happens for a reason
It is the will of God
Don’t cry, He/ She is in heaven
Don’t feel so bad
At least he/she is resting
He/she is in a better place
You need to get yourself together
Keep yourself busy
Things to Say Instead
I can’t imagine the pain you must be going through, and what you must be feeling right now
Do you want to talk about it?
How can I be present for you during this grieving period?
What can I do to help?
I can only imagine how difficult and painful it must be for you
Misunderstanding Kubler-Ross’s 5 Stages of Grief
Some practices focus grief treatment on Kubler-Ross’s five stages of “grief”, according to Rehman (2023) and Kessler (2023), these are misunderstood as the stages were developed to understand the grief experiences of those dying as they emotionally progressed through to the end of their life through; Anger, Denial, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It is important to note that not every grieving individual follows these stages, some may skip certain stages, and as such, they may feel like something is wrong with their way of grieving (Kessler,2023; Rehman,2023).
Why Grief is So Misunderstood
When someone is grieving, people don’t know what to say to them for fear of saying the wrong thing, or reminding them of their grief or causing more pain. However, those who are grieving are aware of their grief and sometimes all they need is to talk to someone willing to just be present and listen to them express how they feel. Often one doesn’t have to say anything but just be present (Schwartz, 2022).
What is the Grief Recovery Method and How Does it Work?
A lot of the perceptions about grief recovery are incorrect. Everyone is different and grieves differently; their experience of grief will be different, so it wouldn’t make sense to expect the same response and use the same blueprint for every grieving person. The Grief Recovery Method is an “action-focused approach” to healing the pain of loss (Rehman,2023; Kittlitz,2021).
How does Grief Recovery Work?
Grief doesn’t go away with time as many people think. It only goes away when we take action to move through it. The distress and pain experienced when grieving mostly come from unprocessed emotions. Taking time to identify, and talk about the emotions as well as taking action to complete the emotions can bring some relief. Grief Recovery Method research has revealed that GRM is an evidence-based intervention that works effectively to help people successfully move forward through grief, and achieve a healthy recovery process and meaningful lives (Rehman,2023).
How is the Grief Recovery Method Different from other Grief Therapy Approaches?
1. Actionable Steps
Talking is helpful, but it doesn’t always get to the root of the cause of grief, which mostly emanates from unfinished emotions. Treatment has to be cognizant that grief is emotional and cannot be rationalized away, it is neither logical nor intellectual but experiential. Therefore, telling one’s story is okay but has to be accompanied by actionable steps to move through grief. Taking actionable steps to process unfinished emotions/ emotional injuries causing the pain is crucial. The GRM focuses on processing the emotions causing the distress rather than trying “to wait them out” with the hope that they’ll just disappear someday (Rehman,2023; James & Friedman,2009).
2. Benefits of Empowerment
The Grief Recovery Method provides a roadmap and a sense of safety and trust in the ability to manage grief. People experience loss and grief, sometimes multiple times in a lifetime. Therefore, learning how to effectively recover from grief instead of being trapped in it helps. Acquiring effective recovery coping skills is essential. Each loss is unique and challenging, therefore, psychoeducation and awareness of the helpful coping skills and the ability to develop a map of actions when grieving can be more empowering even for future losses (Rehman,2023).
3. Types of Grief Treated through GRM
The method is not only limited to certain types of grief. It can be used to help with anything that causes you grief.
4. Time-bound
Grief being such an emotional experience can be hard to navigate, let alone imagine feeling that sad forever. (FFC,2021; People often say that grief lasts a lifetime, and people just learn to adapt to it, but according to Rehman (2023), that is not entirely true. Recovery from grief is possible, and it is possible to experience an improved quality of life without pain defining one’s life for a lifetime, hence, an important aspect of the Grief Recovery Method is that there has to be a specific timeframe. Instead of being indefinite; there must be a defined or set window of time, like 90 days because treatment is more action-oriented (James & Friedman, 2009; GRC,2023).
However, it must be borne in mind that as much as one cannot grief indefinitely, it is also difficult to set the same specific time frame for everybody as people grief and recover differently based on various factors, for example; where death is concerned; the nature of death, how the person died, the nature of the relationship with the deceased and so on (NSW DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH. (2007).
Conclusion
It is important to know that recovery from grief is possible, and you won’t always feel the pain you are feeling right now. Our counsellors are always available to help you move forward through grief to recovery and ultimately to an improved quality of life “Grief is a no-judgment zone” hence people cannot judge others for telling their story or grieving the way they choose to or find themselves allowing themselves to do. Remember; “grief is what’s on the inside and mourning is what we do on the outside” (Kessler 2023), therefore, people cannot compare their experiences with those of others because grief is an individualized and personal experience.
References
Focus on the Family Canada [FFC]. (2021). Walking through Grief. Focus on Family Canada Association.,
pp.1-15. www.FocusOnTheFamily.ca/Grief
James, J. W. & Friedman, R. P. (2009). The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition.
New York: Harper-Collins
Kessler. D. (Accessed 2023, Sept 18). Understanding Grief. www.grief.com
Kittlitz, W. (2021). When you lose a spouse. Focus on Family Canada., pp.6-7. www.FocusOnTheFamily.ca/Grief
NSW DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH. (2007). Coping with Grief after Suicide Death. NSW Department of Health
website www.health.nsw.gov.au pp14-28.
Rehman, A. (Accessed 2023, September 19). What is the Grief Recovery Method? Grief Recovery Center Blog
Schwartz, A. (2022). 2-Day Intensive Trauma Treatment Certification Workshop. PESI
The Grief Recovery Center [GRC] (2023, September 20). The Grief Recovery Method: Guide for Loss 61 tips on
the experience of Grief and how to help people through
How can you turn the buying objections into a sale here, because you go from mental health to POS? Drop the mental health unrelated to goods and services, and use good mental health exclusive to your platform if possible.